


Safety (A Narry AU)

by thegothamkid



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Kidnapping, M/M, Narry - Freeform, Past Abuse, Physical Abuse, Self-Harm, Sexual Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-10
Updated: 2015-06-10
Packaged: 2018-04-03 17:40:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4109439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegothamkid/pseuds/thegothamkid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall, who had been kidnapped and abused when he was young, ends up being left out on the streets. Harry tries to help him by taking into his home, soon becoming attached to the younger boy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Safety (A Narry AU)

**Author's Note:**

> This is an au so I figured it’d be okay if Harry was a year older.  
> I had originally planned for this to be a chaptered fanfiction but I never committed to it so it sort of became this... thing. It was written over a span of almost a year and a half so the first half isn't written so well. The ending is better written in my opinion since I.. matured?? I don't know, anyway, the ending is rather abrupt because I had no idea where I was going with this so I just decided to end it like I did.

Niall shot up from his bed, breathing heavily and clutching his sheets. He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping that when he opened them he would be back in his home, his real home. Niall has had nightmares every night since he was ten. Only they aren’t just nightmares, they’re memories. Memories of when everything changed. Memories that Niall hated.  
He still remembered everything that happened that night very clearly and played itself over in his mind quite often.

Niall’s parents had been in Spain for their anniversary and left him at home with his aunt. He had already gone to bed but was startled awake by the sound of a gunshot and heavy boots making their way up the stairs outside his room. Niall frantically ran and hid in his closet, peeking out at the unfamiliar men in his room as they opened drawers and scattered things about, looking for money, Niall assumed. He watched silently from the door of his closet until eventually, the men walked out, not finding anything of value in the young boy’s room.

Niall then decided that maybe, just maybe, he could make a run for it, as long as he was quiet, so he carefully crawled out of his closet and quietly made it into the hall. Five more steps would have gotten niall to the stairs but a hand suddenly grabbed him by the back of his shirt, causing him to shriek loudly. The man hooked an arm around Niall’s stomach, lifting him off the ground, and clamped his other hand over Niall’s mouth. Niall screamed and thrashed about hysterically as tears ran down his cheeks but a pain shot through the side of his neck and suddenly, his arms and legs were way too heavy. Niall didnt black out, he could still see and hear what the men were saying- something along the lines of getting money- but Niall couldn’t move no matter how hard he tried. Niall was shoved into their car and taken to an abandoned building that seemed to be hours from his home where he was sold and left to stay with a man called Marcus.

Marcus and his ‘friends’ had seven other boys including Liam, the brown haired boy who was introduced as Niall’s roommate, and Zayn, the dark haired one that rarely spoke. Liam and Zayn were both a year older than Niall, a few inches taller too, but they were so much thinner than him. 

Niall wondered why.

Over the next few days, Niall became closer to Liam and Zayn even though he was still rather shy. Niall was very confused as to why he was there but every time he asked, he received the same answers: ‘Just do what you’re told.’ or sometimes ‘This is your new home.’

But Niall didnt feel like it was home.

The windows all had bars running across them, the doors were aleays bolted shut, and here were so many rules. The boys weren’t allowed to have the food that Niall was used to eating back at his old house (in fact, they barely ate at all which explained why Liam and Zayn were so skinny and why Niall was getting thinner.), his and Liam’s bedroom door was locked every night, they werent to speak if they weren’t spoken to, and they had to ask for permission for everything, even if they could use the restrooms. Niall also saw the different bruises that Liam had on his body and though he didnt ask, he wanted to know what they were from.

Niall soon came to find that out the hard way.

He discovered that their bedroom door was left unlocked one night and decided to go for a glass of water. He knew he wasn’t supposed to be out of his room after nine, it's just that he was really really thirsty and felt like it would be understood, but just as Niall was filling his glass, Marcus walked in and without a word, smacked Niall across the face. Hard. Niall was then shoved back into his room, sobbing, and Liam let him cry on his shoulder until he fell asleep.

Niall tried his best not to break any more rules after that.

Although, he did a few times, which resulted in the same punishment, sometimes a whipping or a few cigarette burns rather than a smack across the face, so he would end up crying himself to sleep while Liam hugged him.

Niall soon noticed that as the boys got older, more was expected from them. He realized this after Liam turned thirteen. He wouldn’t see Liam all day until they were in their room and once they were there, Liam would just sit silently on his bed, his face glazed over.

Niall didn't know why, but he was curious. So this time, he asked.

Liam told him that Marcus took him to another man and made him take off his clothes for him. They made him do things, things that he didn't want to do but he was afraid of being punished so he did it anyway. He said every day he was taken to a different person and they gave Marcus a lot of money when they were done. He warned Niall that they did this to all of the boys after their thirteenth birthday- Liam learned that from Louis, one of the older boys that the two befriended, who had experienced it as well- and that they would do the same to Niall when he turned thirteen.

Niall dreaded his next birthday and when it came, Marcus did exactly what Liam said he would.

But Niall refused to do what he was told and fought against it as much as his scrawny body would allow. He screamed and kicked but every time was defeated and later had to face the consequences, a number of hard blows to his body by Marcus’ fists.

This happened nearly every day until Niall turned fifteen and Marcus had enough of it. He told Niall that if he wasn’t going to behave, he would have to break him himself. So Marcus made Niall his pet, he was the only one allowed to touch Niall in the way those men touched Liam.

Every day, Niall was to be up and showered by 7:30, then he ate breakfast (depending on if he still had that privilege that day), and was to stay in the house so he would be available any time Marcus wanted to have his way with him.

Every time, Niall tried to fight back but Marcus was stronger and every night, Niall went back to his and Liam’s room with fresh lashes across his back. Marcus knew how to hit without leaving a mark and he would use those methods on the other boys that were used by other men, he said people didn’t want to pay for ‘damaged goods’ so he tried not to leave an array of bruises on them, but since Niall was his personal play thing he didn’t care. Marcus seemed to enjoy beating the shit out of Niall and did it as often as he could, even over the smallest things.

This was Niall’s life now but even at seventeen years old, he still wasn’t used to it. How could he be?

Niall slowly opened his eyes to the cold, dark, room that he and Liam shared and his heart broke knowing that he was going to have to experience the same routine all over again.

“You okay?” Liam asked quietly from his bed. He was scrunched up against the wall with his legs crossed in front of him, picking the fuzz off of his dingy blankets. Liam rarely ever slept, the dark circles that had formed under his eyes proved it.

Niall nodded and ran his hands through his blonde hair. “M'fine.” He mumbled as he laid down to stare at the ceiling, completely forgetting about the fresh gashes on his back, and hissed when the pain shot across his shoulder blades. He rolled over, curling on his side in pain and faced his roommate who’s sad eyes were locked on him.

“What?” Niall asked as he shivered and pulled his blanket over his shoulders. It was always so damn cold in this room and Niall absolutely hated it, but Liam didn’t mind it so much.

“You should do what he says.” Liam answered lowly. “You know he’ll just keep doing that.”

Niall just looked at the wall behind his roommate. “I know..”

“So why don’t you?” Liam moved from his spot and rested under his covers. “I know you don’t want to do those things, I don’t either, but what if he-” He looks away, moving his gaze from Niall, and swallows thickly. “What if you end up dead one day?” Liam finishes, barely above a whisper.

Niall’s throat tightened and he felt tears stinging at his eyes. That was his idea.

Maybe one day Marcus would just get sick of him and beat him to death. Sure, it would hurt but it would be the last time Niall would have to endure that.

He turned so his face was pressed into his pillow and mumbled quietly, hoping Liam wouldn’t hear him. “It would be a way out.”

__________

“Niall?”

Niall kept his head down, focusing on the crumb covered plate in from of him. He had just finished breakfast at the kitchen table and was now waiting along with Liam and Zayn until they were ordered out.

“Niall.” Liam repeated, slightly louder. Niall brought his eyes up to look at him. “Did you hear what Zayn was saying?”

Niall shook his head softly. He honestly hadn’t been paying attention.

Liam nodded toward Zayn as a gesture to repeat what he had said. 

“I’m going to be leaving tomorrow.” Zayn said quietly. “It’s my birthday.” Zayn was going to be turning eighteen and according to Marcus, eighteen was too old, so those of age get kicked out. Only two other boys had been released. Travis, a boy that had been put here a few years after Niall, and Louis, the only other boy besides Zayn and Liam that Niall ever talked to.

Louis was kind and Niall looked up to him for being able to have what seemed to be a happy attitude no matter what the circumstances were. He had a happy warmth that seemed to radiate off of him and admittedly, he had even managed to make Niall smile a few times. Louis always told Niall when they were young that if he didn’t like where he was, he could always close his eyes and imagine he was somewhere else. That advice helped Niall a lot when he was little. In fact, it still did. Niall missed Louis, all of the boys did, but none of them had any idea where he was.

“D-do you know where you’re going?” Niall asked meekly.

Zayn shook his head and Niall looked back down at his empty plate.

“I don’t want you to go. Well, I do- I mean, I want you to be away from this house. Not that I don’t want you here, I do- Actually, I don’t but- ” Niall sighed, cutting himself off.

“I think he’s trying to say that he’ll miss you but he’s glad that you’ll be safe.” Liam stated. “Is that what you mean Niall?”

Niall nodded and looked back up at Zayn. That was exactly what he meant.

Zayn gave him a pained smile and gently patted Niall’s shoulder. “You’ll be fine. You and Liam won’t be here for much longer either. Only a few months.”

“But Liam will be out before me. I’ll be alone.” Niall folded his arms and laid them on the table, resting his head on top.

“Only for a month. You can do it, I promise. You’ve already been through so much already, you’ll pull through. Besides, we can all find each other once we’re out. We can even go find Lou.” Liam comforted.

Niall nodded although he wasn’t sure he agreed. Who knows what could happen in a few days in this house, much less a few months, and how could he be sure that they’d ever see each other again? But still, Niall was going to try his best, he was going to do what he had to so that he could get out of here.  
__________

As the days got closer to his eighteenth birthday, they seemed to go by a lot slower. Niall had so many questions swirling in his mind about what happens when you’re released.

“Do you think Louis went to the police?” Niall asked Liam one night as they got ready for bed.

Liam shook his head. “I don’t think so. If he did, we would have been out a long time ago. Marcus will probably still keep tabs on us once we’re out to make sure we don’t spill.”

That scared Niall, the idea that Marcus would still have access to him for the rest of his life, but at least out there he would be able to run.  
__________

The day Liam left was especially hard for Niall. He woke up to an empty bed beside him and a note on his pillow: ‘See you soon. Be good. -Liam’

Niall was now completely alone and every night hoped that he’d somehow be able to find his best friends again.  
__________

Niall counted the days and did just as Liam said, he was good, until four days before his birthday.

That night, Marcus came into his room with one of his friends. Niall knew what this meant, they were going to take turns. He never liked the things Marcus did but especially not with another person there too, it hurt so much more. Usually it was just Marcus. Marcus yanking on his hair. Marcus slamming him down on his knees. Marcus degrading him and using his body. 

But with another person, it’s twice as bad.

Niall sobbed and tried to get out of their reach but they kept grabbing at him even harder. He kicked and threw a few punches, landing one square on Marcus’ jaw. Straight away, Niall knew he would pay for that, the look on Marcus’ face as he shoved him onto his bed guaranteed it. So he eventually gave up, knowing that he wouldn’t get out of this, and sobbed into his sheets as they held his hands above his head and pried his legs apart.

Niall did just like Louis told him many times before, he squeezed his eyes shut and imagined he was somewhere else. He pictured being home with his parents again instead of being held face down on his bed. Sure, it didnt take away the pain but in a way, it helped Niall escape. 

When they were done, Marcus ordered Niall off his bed and pushed him against the wall. Niall held his hands behind his head just like he is told to do every time before his punishments.

“Think you can get away with hitting me you little bitch?” Marcus growled into his ear.

Niall didnt answer, just squeezed his eyes shut and cried silently, his forehead leaned against the wall and his entire body trembling.

“You’re a lot of trouble you know that?” Marcus asked harshly and Niall felt the sharp sting of the whip across his back. He yelped out in pain and pushed himself further against the wall, tears streaming from his eyes. No matter how many times Niall went through this, it still hurt like it did the very first time. Every strike sent Niall pressing farther against the wall and sobbing harder into it. He had lost count after the twenty first hit and Marcus didn’t stop until minutes later.

Niall crumpled to the floor, writhing in pain, as Marcus walked out of his room and bolted the door shut behind him. The open wounds across Niall’s back stung as he spread out on his stomach in Liam’s old bed and cried harder than ever before into the pillow knowing that this time he had no one there to comfort him.  
__________

Niall didn’t know much about the day he was released, all he could remember was waking up to Marcus holding him face down on his bed while he pressed a needle into his arm. He had no idea where Marcus had taken him, whatever drug was injected into his arm knocked him out for the entire trip, so Niall was quite frightened when he woke up in an alleyway.

Niall sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes. His vision still a bit blurry but his focus was good enough. He frowned, observing his surroundings, and stood up carefully. Dizziness rushed through his head and Niall clutched onto the stack of crates beside him to prop himself up. He took a moment to regain himself before starting toward the noise of the city.

Niall had only been into the city once when he was really little, he barely remembered it, so the lights and smells were all new to him. He was curious as to why people were out this late, though there weren’t many, but he figured that was just how people were in the city.

Niall wandered past different shops and restaurants, admiring the new lights and smells, and carefully observing the scattered people around him. The odd looks that he received from the few people he passed made him feel very insecure. They probably wondered why this young man was walking around in dirty clothes and no shoes at this hour, especially since it was so cold. He probably looked like he was freezing. and he was. But Niall didn’t have a choice in what he wore, it was all Marcus had left him with, so he just wrapped his arms around himself when he shivered and kept his head down as he walked.

Niall could feel the heat flooding his head and his eyesight began to go out of focus. He pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut, reopening them quickly in an attempt to ease it some. He could see straight ahead of him a group of people around his age, maybe a little older, and thought that maybe he should ask for help but decided against it. He didn't want to confront them so he decided that he would just pass by. Which would have worked if Niall’s dizziness hadn’t caused him to trip over his own feet, sending him straight to the ground.

“Shit, are you okay?” A voice asked worriedly.

Niall lifted himself up, a pair of arms helping him along the way. He quickly glanced at the person they belonged to, not looking long enough to see his face, and nodded lightly.

“Are you sure? You really look out of it mate.” The boy held Niall up, holding him by his shoulders.

Niall nodded frantically and tried to speak but no words were coming out. He wanted to run, he didn’t care that this guy was trying to help him, he didn't know who he was, what he would do. He tried to pry himself from the boy’s hands and run away but before he could, his vision went out and his legs seemed to fly out from under him  
_________

Niall woke up in another unfamiliar place, on an unfamiliar sofa. It was nice and soft and he was quite warm underneath the soft blankets that were placed over him.  
Niall would have liked it if he had known where he was.

Quickly, he propped himself up on his elbow and darted his eyes around the room. His head hurt really badly and he felt a bit sick but he tried to stand up anyway, his knees buckling beneath him sending him back down onto the sofa.

“Oh, you’re up.” Niall snapped his head toward the direction of the voice. The boy that Niall ran into the night before stood in the doorway. Niall attempted to stand again but got the same result as the first time, falling down onto the furniture once more.

“You still need rest, come on, lay down.” The boy said as he stepped over and gently held Niall’s shoulders, laying him back onto the couch. Niall whimpered when his back met the cushion, his wounds from his previous lashing were still sore, so he lifted himself back up onto his elbows.

His eyes darted around the room again before landing on the boy standing beside the couch. He had dark curls that framed his face and intense green eyes that gazed down at Niall. Niall was still frightened and his heart felt as if it was going to beat out of his chest so he shifted himself up against the arm of the sofa, farther away from the stranger beside him.

“Hey, its okay, I’m not going to hurt you.” The boy said, crouching down at the side of the sofa. “I promise.”

Niall’s eyes were still full of fear but he nodded lightly and pulled his knees to his chest, creating more distance between him and the stranger in front of him.

“My name is Harry. Harry Styles.” The boy extended his hand out, intended for Niall to shake, but Niall just stared, not certain if he should take it or not.

“You don’t talk much.” Harry chuckled and brought his hand back down. Niall just pressed his lips together and hugged his knees tighter. “How come?”

Niall chewed on the inside of his cheek before answering. “I didn't have permission.” He answered shyly.

Harry frowned, confused. “What do you mean?”

“Won't I get punished if I talk without being spoken to?” Niall mumbled.

“Punished?” Harry questioned and Niall nodded softly.

Niall wasn’t sure if he should tell Harry about Marcus. What if he could see Niall right now? What if Marcus was here? Niall decided against it and simply brought his chin down to the top of his knees, his blue eyes looking around the room and not once meeting Harry’s green ones.

“What’s your name?” Harry asked and Niall looked down at the blankets.

“Niall.” He muttered.

“Niall, did someone hurt you?” Harry’s voice was low and soft and his eyes searched for any sort of emotion on Niall’s face.

Niall didn’t want to talk about this with Harry, he had only known him for about ten minutes, but the tears that instantly filled his eyes gave it away so he nodded. He folded his arms over his knees and hid his face in them. Niall flinched when Harry sat beside him and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Listen, I’m not going to hurt you, okay?” Harry spoke gently. Niall brought his head up from his arms and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, nodding slowly. “And you don’t have to have permission to talk to me, you can say whatever you like.”

Niall eased up a bit once he saw the smile that spread lightly across Harry’s face and the sincerity in his eyes so he brought his knees away from his chest, sitting cross legged on the sofa. 

“Why did you bring me here?” He asked quietly and pulled the blankets over himself.

“You passed out on the sidewalk and I didn’t want you to freeze out there." Harry nodded towards the window across the room, flurries of snow falling towards the ground just outside. "I didn’t know where you lived so I just brought you here for the night.” Harry explained.

Harry was a genuine person, he always tried his best to help others. His friends always advised him not to bring random strangers in his house, even if he was trying to help because apparently some people could turn out to be 'drug addicted robbers' as they had put it, but Harry was too concerned for the well being of others to care. So when a young and seemingly harmless boy collapsed on the sidewalk right in front of him, his only reaction was to help.

At first, Harry had assumed that the blonde had just been out drinking and had too much but when he lifted Niall off the ground and felt how underweight and bony he was, he put two and two together. He had probably passed out due to either a lack of food or a lack of water, if not both. Harry figured that Niall was homeless, since he he was out in below freezing weather with short sleeves and no shoes, so he decided that giving the poor boy a place to stay for a few days was the best thing to do for him.

Niall nodded, taking a few more glances around the room.

A large TV sat on a table on the opposite wall and several paintings were scattered around. Niall counted six that were framed and hung on the wall, and three placed across the coffee table. They were pretty paintings, mostly abstract designs that consisted of all different colours and lines but the three on the table were more realistic. When he looked closer, he could see the intricate brush strokes that moved the same ways as they did in the abstract paintings but the colours blended together, creating a beautiful landscape.

“Did you paint these?” Niall sniffled and motioned to the canvases on the table.

Harry nodded. “Yeah, they aren’t that good though.” He chuckled.

Niall gave Harry a look that made Harry question if his hair had just miraculously turned green. Thank god his dark curls were still the same colour they always have been, it's just that these paintings were definitely good, much better than Niall could ever do, and Niall found Harry to be insane for saying they were anything but beautiful.

Niall had never been one to be able to draw or paint but he always had an interest. He used to watch Zayn, when they were both still in _his_ house, and marveled at how easily he moved a pencil across the scraps paper to create striking works of art. Niall wished he could be able to do that but the most he could draw was a pretty messed up stick man so he left the art to the artists.

Niall slowly sat back against the arm of the sofa and pulled the blankets up over his hands. “How long do I have to stay here?”

“You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to. If you want to leave, that’s fine.” Harry started. “Do you have anywhere I can take you?”

Niall didn’t even know where he was much less a place to go so he shook his head as a no as he turned his gaze to focus on the lumps under the blanket where his hands were.

“Then you can stay here until you find somewhere to stay, yeah?” Harry smiled. “If you want to I mean.”

Niall still hadn’t gotten to trust Harry yet. Yeah, he seemed nice but you can’t learn to fully trust someone in just a few minutes of talking to them. Though at the same time, Niall had nowhere else to go and he was afraid of what he would get into on the streets. So for the moment, Harry was his only hope.

“O-okay.” Niall breathed out. Harry nodded, smiling softly, and they both sat in silence.

Harry fiddled with his hands while Niall looked down at his shirt, seeing how dirty it was. He cleared his throat lightly and turned his face to Harry without making eye contact.

“Can I take a shower?” Niall asked timidly.

“Sure, I’ll show you where.” Harry stood from the couch and led Niall into the bathroom down the hall. He showed him where the towels were and also the bottles soap, letting him pick one out. Niall liked the smell of the vanilla so he chose the sweet smelling shower gel and carefully plucked a fluffy white towel and a matching washrag from the cabinet.

“I’ll try to find you something clean to wear while those are in the wash.” Harry pointed at the stained clothes Niall had on. He left the room and came back a few minutes later with clothes in his arms, handing them to Niall. “Here’s some bottoms, I’m not sure if they’ll fit you so just let me know if they don’t, alright? I’ll try to find you a shirt.”

Niall nodded and set the pants down on the edge of the sink as Harry left, closing the door behind him. Niall turned on the water, letting it heat up as he stripped himself of the dirty clothes. He honestly didn’t want to keep them, he wanted to throw them away, burn them, anything. They reminded him of Marcus and Niall wanted to be completely free of him. He kicked his clothes into the corner and stepped into the shower, the hot water instantly soothing his body. Niall stood there for minutes, just letting the water run over the marks on his back, and closed his eyes.

They never had hot water back in the house with Marcus, it was always cold, and Niall wanted to stay under this water forever but he knew he couldn’t stay in here all day so he picked up the soap and began to wash himself. He scrubbed his body with the soapy rag for what seemed like ages but he still didn’t feel clean. Images of Marcus flooded into his head and Niall scrubbed harder, trying to wash them away. He could still feel what it felt like, another man’s hands intruding the places of his body that only he should have access to until he was ready, he felt dirty, and the feeling wouldn’t go away no matter how much soap he used. Tears trailed down Niall’s cheeks, mixing with the now tepid water that streamed down his face as he finally gave up and washed his hair, his skin reddened in splotches from being scrubbed raw.

Once he finished, he stepped out of the shower and began drying himself off carefully. Taking a pair of Harry's sweatpants, he pulled them on over his slim legs and opened the door to let out the steam once he had his bottom half covered.

Niall stopped and looked in the mirror, disgusted with the person in front of him. He didn’t fully believe that it was, in fact, him. He had always tried to avoid the dirty mirror that was in the bathroom at his old ‘home’, he was too ashamed to look at himself, so he never really looked at more than just his face.

This time his eyes traveled over his torso, scanning the dips of his body. Niall could almost count his ribs and his collar bones stuck out profoundly along with his hip bones. The sweatpants that Harry gave him hung loosely on his hips even when he pulled the drawstring as far as it would go. He traced his fingers over the many bruises and scars that were scattered over his torso. Some were from whips, some were from burns, and others were just from kicks and punches. Some were new and distinguished and others were old and faded but Niall saw them all.

Niall turned and looked over his shoulder at the ones on his spine. The marks crisscrossed over the plains of his back and continued down to the small dimples right above his bum. The marks definitely didn’t look as bad as they had when he received them but they still hadn’t healed fully. Niall awkwardly held his arm behind his back in attempt to touch one but as he did so, Harry re-appeared in the doorway.

“I hope at least one those fit you. I found this sweater that...” He started, looking up from the dark sweater in his hands and his voice trailed off when he saw the scarred boy that stood in front of him. Niall grabbed his towel from the floor and wrapped it around his shoulders quickly, though Harry had already seen the marks covering his body, and took a step back.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to- I was just coming to give you these and the door was open so..” Harry explained, his voice trailing off again as he dropped the sweater on the counter. He stepped closer to Niall who continued walking backwards and winced when his injured back hit the cold tiles of the wall.

Harry reached out slowly to remove the towel from Niall’s shoulders, mumbling quietly. “Let me see..”

Niall’s heart raced and he shook his head quickly when Harry pulled the towel away from him, feeling too exposed for comfort. Harry only wanted to see how badly he was hurt but Niall didn't know that, he was panicking. There were times when Marcus would come in right after Niall had showered to have his way. The memory replayed in his head and he hoped to god that Harry wouldn’t turn out to be the same way.

Harry gaped at the frightened boy and reached out his hand to gently run his fingers across one of the scars on Niall’s shoulder but when he did, Niall immediately began to sob and slide down the wall to the floor.

“Please don’t. Please.. Please don’t touch me, please.” He begged, Harry could see the fear in his eyes when he crouched down in front of Niall.

“Niall, hey, calm down, it’s okay.” Harry spoke softly, shaking his head. “I won’t hurt you, I promise.”

Niall trembled and held his knees to his chest, sharp gasps escaping from his mouth as he cried.

“I’m not going to hurt you.” Harry repeated soothingly. “I just wanted to see.”

Niall looked up and nodded, his frightened eyes seeing the pity in Harry’s. He tried his best to gasp for air and wiped his tears with the back of his hand as they fell. Harry took the sweater for Niall and handed it to him, sitting down on the floor as he put it on. Harry sat quietly beside Niall, fiddling with his fingers as the other boy cried softly, unaware of what to say. He had no idea why Niall was so afraid of him and he wanted to know why Niall had so many scars. He knew that someone had been hurting him, he just didn't know who or why.

“Niall..” Harry started. Niall’s glassy blue eyes slowly made their way to Harry’s. “How did you get those scars? What did they do to you?”

Niall didn’t answer, he didn’t want to tell Harry, he wished he would just leave it alone. He was afraid of telling Harry, or anyone for that matter, about Marcus. He wanted to be able to confide in him, he was just afraid of what could happen. He had so many worries, that Harry wouldn't believe him, that Marcus had somehow been setting him up, that Harry would end up to be just as bad. But a small part of Niall also saw the sincerity in Harry’s eyes and heard the concern in his voice. So he opened his mouth and spoke.

Once Niall started talking, he couldn’t stop, the words just flew from his mouth along with the tears that ran down his cheeks as he explained everything to Harry, sitting right there on the cold bathroom floor. He thought it would be hard to talk about the things he went through, and it was, but at the same time it felt good to tell someone. He felt like he could breathe at least a little bit easier knowing that someone else knew about what happened to him. Harry was sincere and let Niall talk until he felt like he couldn't anymore so Niall's worries completely fell out of his mind.

Harry suggested telling the police but Niall refused. Even though he was no longer under Marcus’ control, he was still afraid of him. Marcus still had a hold on Niall that surely wasn’t going to go away quickly. Harry was hesitant to let the idea go but he decided that since Niall had already been forced to do things he didn’t want to do way too many times, he should just let it be.

Niall continued to tell Harry all of the details. Not only the bad but also the better about Liam, Louis, and Zayn. He explained that he hoped they would find each other again though he knew it was futile, who knows where they were dropped at. Harry offered to somehow help Niall look for his friends but since they had no way of contacting them, Niall declined. He just hoped that they had been lucky enough to be cared for.  
__________

Niall opened up a bit more to Harry over the few months that followed, telling him about his life before the bad, and really began to feel safe around him. He even began considering him a friend. Niall was also comfortable enough to do things like get something to eat, turn on the TV, or talk without asking for permission first and his malnourished body was slowly beginning to reach a healthy weight.

Harry had reorganised the spare bedroom so Niall could sleep somewhere other than on the small living room sofa and he repeatedly reminded Niall that as long as he was there, no one was going to hurt him. He wanted to do all he could to protect the battered boy, he felt like it was his responsibility since he had taken him into his home.

He liked having Niall there, almost becoming attached to the boy. He enjoyed having another person in the house with him. Sure, Niall was still shy and didn’t talk too much but that didn’t bother Harry, that’s just how Niall was. According to him, Niall was good company. Harry did have friends but he didn't have any close ones, ones that he spent a lot of time with, he spent the majority of his time painting so he wasn’t the type of twenty year old to go out every weekend and party. He’d rather stay at home in his art room, painting whatever came to mind and he did just that.

Niall enjoyed watching Harry paint, it intrigued him. He always sat cross legged on the floor where he watched the taller boy dip his brushes into the paint before gliding them across the canvas, easily creating a beautiful work of art. Niall had never seen Harry paint by looking at a picture in front of him or the view from his window, everything Harry painted was random and seemed to just flow from his mind.

“How do you get your ideas of what to paint?” Niall asked one day from his spot on the floor. Harry shrugged, still focused on the half painted canvas in front of him.

“Sometimes I picture places that I’d like to go, other times I paint based on my emotions at the moment.” He paused and took a moment to look at his painting, considering what to add next, before whisking his brush across it. “But most of the time I paint people or things in my life. It may not always be a direct portrait but it portrays it in a way that I can understand.”

Niall nodded. “So what are you painting now?” He couldn’t see what Harry was painting, that morning the older boy had babbled on and no about how the lighting was better when it faced the opposite way, and a few other artistic reasons that Niall didn't quite understand. so he moved his easel and was now facing Niall while he painted instead.

Harry shrugged once again while he cleaned off his brush and dipped it into the blue paint. “Just another abstract.”

“Can I see it?” Niall asked. Harry shook his head, a slight grin spreading across his face.

“Not yet, It’s not finished.” He answered.

Niall nodded again and sat back against the wall, letting his head rest against it as well. His stomach growled faintly so he crossed his arms over his torso in attempt to hide it.

“Have you eaten today?” Harry questioned from behind his easel.

“No.” Niall looked away shyly, fiddling with the end of his shirt and twisting it over his fingers repeatedly.

Harry turned to Niall sympathetically as he wiped his hands on his paint stained jeans and picked up a different brush. “Niall, you know you don’t have to ask for food.”

“I know.” Niall sighed. “I just don’t want anything.”

Harry’s brows furrowed gently as he nodded and began painting again. When he thought about it, that was the same thing Niall had said the past few times he had asked if he wanted something to eat. At first, Harry though that maybe Niall honestly wasn’t hungry since his body was used to eating so little but he rarely saw Niall eat and he was starting to become concerned.

“Niall,” Harry started and slowly twisted his brush around in the paint. Niall looked up at him but didn’t meet his gaze since he was staring down at his palette. “When’s the last time you ate something?”

Niall nervously chewed on the inside of his lip and adverted his eyes to the window. “I uh, I had something late last night..” He lied, trying to avoid the subject. “I had a slice of pizza.”

“There were six pieces left last night because you didn’t eat any, remember?” Harry asked calmly.

“Y-yeah, but I went back later.” Niall stuttered.

“When I went to the fridge to get some this afternoon, there were still six.” Harry stopped twirling his brush and sadly looked up at Niall who immediately turned away from him.

“Oh.” Niall mumbled timidly.

"So..." Harry started, waiting patiently for a legitimate answer.

"I haven't eaten since Monday." Niall breathed out, just above a whisper.

Harry watched as Niall stared out the window and pursed his lips together tightly when his stomach rumbled again.

"Niall, that was two days ago. You can’t do that, you need to eat something.” Harry urged.

Niall simply shook his head. “Eating makes me feel sick.” He replied.

“That’s only because you’re not used to eating regularly, it’ll go away after a while.” Harry explained, setting his things down on the small table beside him. He wiped his hands on his jeans and stepped over to Niall, sitting on the floor in front of him. It was true, eating made him feel sick, but Niall didn’t want to admit the real reason he wasn’t eating. Harry could tell there was something else that was wrong.

Niall sighed and twisted the hem of his shirt in his hands. “I’m gaining weight.”

“That’s good, what’s wrong with that?” Harry questioned, cocking his head to the side.

“I don’t like it.” Niall answered. “I don’t like the way it looks, it’s.. weird.”

Harry shook his head and smiled softly. “It’s not weird Niall, you’re beginning to look healthy. You have to get used to it and trust me, you will.” Niall nodded and Harry stood from his place, extending his hand out to Niall to pull him up off of the floor. “Now come on, lets get you something to eat.”

Niall followed Harry into the kitchen and eagerly ate from the plate of mismatched left overs that Harry had set in front of him. He tried to eat slowly, just as Harry had suggested before he started, in attempt to keep from making himself sick so he took one small bite at a time.

Harry sat on the counter across from the younger boy, studying him as he ate, and grinned when Niall hummed softly in satisfaction. “Good?” He asked. Niall nodded and smiled lightly as he put another forkful into his mouth.

Once Niall finished eating dinner, Harry eventually fixing him a plate as well, they both sat on the sofa as Harry flipped on the TV. Niall sat holding his knees to his chest and watched the film that played on the screen. He had never seen it before but Harry insisted that it was good so he watched even though they turned it on near the end. Niall laughed at the funny bits, causing Harry to laugh as well. Harry had never really heard Niall laugh other than anything barely more than a chuckle but nevertheless, he liked it, it made him smile.

When the film ended, Harry flipped between mindless TV shows before finally leaving it on a movie marathon, neither of them knowing what it was about. Eventually, the two boys drifted off, cheesy lines and uninteresting story lines boring them to sleep.

__________

Harry woke up to an episode of The Big Bang Theory playing on the TV, the faint sounds of Sheldon Cooper's ranting coming from the speakers, and Niall asleep against his shoulder. He blinked himself awake and carefully reached for the remote, trying not to wake the blonde boy on his shoulder, and pressed the info button for the time. 2:46 AM.

Harry sighed and he felt Niall move closer to his side, two slim arms wrapping around his upper. Niall’s blonde hair was disheveled slightly and his lips were parted, emitting a soft snore, and Harry couldn’t help but smile. He watched as the boys chest rose and fell with his breathing and took in the serene look on his face. Harry smiled again at how content Niall looked and gently freed his arm from Niall’s hold. He switched of the TV and carefully lifted Niall up off of the couch, a small groan escaping his lips. Niall’s head fell against Harry’s chest as he was carried to his room and he held on to Harry’s sleeve. Harry gently set Niall down on his bed, the younger boy mumbling words sleepily. Harry had no idea what Niall was saying so he just pulled the covers over him.

“Goodnight Harry.” Niall mumbled groggily, turning on his side towards Harry and pulling the sheets up to his chin. Harry nodded and smiled softly as he crouched down beside Niall’s bed 

“Goodnight Niall.” He whispered. The corners of Niall’s mouth turned slightly upwards, forming a weak smile, before falling back down as he fell sleep again. 

Harry sat there looking Niall, admiring him, and resisted the urge to reach out and card his fingers through his feathered hair so he simply smiled at the serene look spread across his face. Niall always seemed happiest when he was asleep, or even just tired for that matter. Harry didn’t know why, maybe the tiredness cleared his mind, in a way, and allowed him to push the bad memories aside for a while. Or maybe Niall just actually was happier but only showed it when he was sleepy. Either way, Harry was glad that Niall was happy here even in the slightest.

He continued watching Niall, flashes of the boy’s story played in his head as hiss eyes changed from admiration to sadness.This boy in front of him had been through so much and Harry couldn’t believe how someone could ever to those things to anyone, much less someone like Niall. He was so fragile, so timid, he didn’t deserve any of that. He deserved a good, happy life with people that cared for him and Harry was determined to give him that. He wanted to protect him, to be there for him, to show him that not everyone is like Marcus was. He knew that Niall knew he was safe here and that he considered him a friend, he had told Harry that last week, but Harry wanted to be more than just a friend to Niall. He had grown quite fond of him, Harry viewed him as his companion, and his heart swelled every time he looked at him.

He wanted to make Niall feel special, make up for all of the bad that he had gone through. Niall was obviously comfortable with Harry and Harry really liked having Niall there, so why not extend the deal of Niall staying until he had somewhere else to go into just flat out living with him? He already had his own room and had already been there for nearly three months anyway, so it wouldn’t be much of a difference. The only difference would hopefully be their relationship. Harry wondered what it would be like to call Niall his boyfriend. Just the idea sent a wave of flutters through Harry’s body but he quickly realized that the whole idea was a bit far fetched.

Niall hadn’t known Harry for very long, it was pretty much a sure shot that confessing his feelings would freak the poor boy out. Harry definitely didn’t want to do that, he would much rather keep the friendship they had than jeopardize everything; so he pushed it all aside, for now, and stood up from where he was sat beside Niall’s bed.

Harry took another look at Niall before heading down the hall to his room and the ideas rushed through his mind once more, repeating themselves over and over again. But he quickly shut them away and switched them off along with the light.  
__________

Niall woke, curling his legs up to his chest, and wrapping his arms around himself. He had managed to kick the covers off in the middle of the night and was freezing but when he went to grab at them, they were gone. Niall groaned lightly and sat up to see his blankets strewn on the floor at the foot of his bed. He sighed and forced himself up, padding across the room to the dresser for a sweater to cover the goosebumps that spread over his arms. He peeled off his t-shirt, stopping to pinch at the thin layer of fat around his hips, sighing before remembering what Harry had told him the day before, he had to get used to it.

He pulled the sweater over his head and slipped out of his room, heading to the kitchen for a banana and a piece of toast. Niall ate his breakfast quietly before starting to the living room and was a bit confused when he saw that Harry wasn’t there, he was usually up with the telly on before Niall even got out of bed but this time, the room was empty. 

Niall decided to head towards the art room, assuming Harry would be there instead, only to find it empty as well. Harry’s painting stood on the easel by the window where he had left it yesterday and a tweak of curiosity ran through Niall’s mind. Harry hadn’t let him see this one and Niall really wanted to look so he carefully peeked his head around the doorway before stepping into the room and to the easel, seeing a beautiful portrait leaning against it. Niall stepped closer, studying the painted person in front of him. Though it was still unfinished, Niall could easily recognize the face on the canvas. 

It was his.

Light brush strokes of yellows and browns created his hair, flesh tones and light pinks made up his pale face, his pink lips were half painted, and his eyes were unfinished but outlined with the perfect shade of blue. Niall carefully reached out to brush his fingers lightly across the dry paint and felt the ridges and dips underneath his fingertips.

“Do you like it?” A voice asked from beside him. Niall jumped and turned quickly to see Harry looking down at him, a soft smile spread on his lush lips.

“I-I didn’t hear you come in, I’m sorry, I know you didn’t want me to see it but I was curious and I-” Niall started to explain frantically but Harry cut him off with a small laugh and shook his head.

“Niall, it’s fine.” He grinned.

“Oh.” Niall mumbled and turned back to the painting. “Well yes, I do like it.”

“It’s not finished yet, as you can probably tell” Harry chuckled lightly and ran his fingers through his hair. “but since you’ve seen it already, maybe you’d want to help me finish it?”

Niall shook his head lightly, his eyes still locked on the painting. “I don’t want to mess it up.”

“You won’t mess it up, I’ll show you.” Harry smiled and Niall hesitated before nodding. Harry stood behind Niall, picked up a brush, dipped it in the pinkish paint, and began filling in the empty space of his lips.

“All you have to do is fill it in. Like this.” He gently took Niall’s hand and put it around the brush, guiding it just as he had been painting before. He guided Niall’s hand like this for a while until the boy seemed comfortable and stepped back to let him finish it on his own.

“See? You’ve got it.” Harry grinned. Niall snorted lightly and turned to face Harry, laying the brush down on the table beside him.

“Only because I’m just colouring it in. I’ve painted a rather boring set of lips.” He chuckled. Harry waved a hand and smiled down at Niall.

“I’ll show you how to do the details, it’s okay.” He replied and picked up a smaller brush. He mixed a bit of paint together to make a slightly darker shade of pink and dabbed his brush in before adding a thin line to start adding on the details. Harry then handed the brush to Niall and began guiding his hand again, using the same strokes that he had previously been using. He showed Niall different blending and shading techniques, speaking over the smaller boy’s shoulder as he did so, and let him add on the last few strokes, the once boring set of lips now looked almost realistic along with the rest of the painting.

“I did it.” Niall laughed lightly and set the brush down carefully. “Well.. sort of.” Harry nodded his head and chuckled.

“I still don’t have eyes though.” Niall frowned and gestured towards the painting.

“Yeah, I wanted to be able to actually look at you while I painted them. So I could really get them right.” Harry explained.

“Oh, should I sit here then?” Niall asked meekly, pointing to the stool that stood beside Harry.

“Sure, that’d be perfect.” Harry smiled as he chose a new brush and poured several different shades of blue onto his tray before he turned to Niall and began studying his eyes.

Niall became slightly self conscious having someone just staring at his face for so long and he felt the heat spreading across his cheeks, reddening them softly. Harry tried to keep from smiling too much at the sight but failed, a wide smile playing across his face.

“I should add that too.” He grinned and went back to his art, dabbing his brush into the blue paint and adding it to the canvas.

“Add what?” Niall asked. He studied Harry’s movements as he flicked his brush in small, quick, strokes.

“Your blush.” Harry answered, his smile still lingering. “I like it.” He mumbled.

Niall could feel his cheeks getting hotter so he looked down at his lap in attempt to hide his reddening face but he was required to looked back up when Harry need to look at his eyes again. He chewed on the inside of his lip, waiting patiently in his seat as Harry continuously added multiple shades of blue and blue-green to the canvas, every once in a while taking another look at Niall’s crystal blue eyes. Harry eventually traded his blue paint for a light shade of pink, adding on the slight tint of blush Niall assumed, before setting his brush down.

“Okay, I’m done.” He said, stepping back.

Niall stood from his seat and stepped closer, amazed at how realistic the whole thing looked. “Wow.” He breathed. “You’re really, really good.”

“Thanks.” Harry smiled. “I’ve painted people before but, you, you’re really hard to paint.”

Niall slightly raised an eyebrow but kept his eyes on the painting. “How come?” He questioned.

“I can’t paint perfectly.” Harry explained. “It’s hard to paint something that doesn’t have a flaw.” His voice was low and calm as he watched Niall’s face, searching for his reaction.

Niall turned to Harry, his eyes wide, and laughed nervously. “What, are you saying that I’m-“

“Perfect?” Harry interrupted. “Yes.”

Niall gaped at the boy standing over him, trying to process the words that just came out of his mouth, and a fluttering sensation ran through his body. He had never really received a compliment from anyone, that he could remember anyway, so he wasn’t sure of what to say besides a simple ‘thank you’.

“T-thanks.” Niall stuttered, his cheeks once again reddening as he looked down quickly.

Harry smiled and gave a quick nod. “You’re welcome.”

Neither of the two knew what to say so they both stood there in silence as they stared at the painting until Harry spoke up, scratching at the back of his neck nervously while he made an excuse to leave the room. Harry had made it out into the hall when Niall had a burst of courage and ran into the hallway, grabbing him by the arm suddenly.

“Harry, wait.” Niall held to the dark haired boy’s arm until he turned around, a small smile on his face.

Niall shrunk back slightly, retracting his hand to his side, wondering if he had overstepped. He scanned Harry’s face, taking in his green eyes, the curls that framed his face, the way he smiled, and Niall couldn't find even the slightest hint of a negative emotion. Harry had a smile like Liam did, it was kind and warm. The only difference was that Harry’s smile almost always sent chills down Niall’s spine and made him feel secure and calm although he wasn’t quite sure why.

He remembered back to when he was younger and Louis told him what it felt like to be in love with someone. He said that you know you love someone when you feel ‘the good kind of nervous’ around them and get butterflies in your stomach when they smile. At the time, Niall wasn’t sure what that meant but he assumed it was what he was feeling right now. He had spent most of his life being nervous but he had never felt a kind of nervousness like the kind he got around Harry, so he assumed this was the good kind, and Niall certainly felt flutters in his stomach when Harry smiled or even just looked at him.

But surely, he couldn’t be ‘in love’ with Harry, Louis had told him that it’s not really a sudden realization, like they make it out to be in the films, but that it’s a gradual process and starts with what he called a crush.

Niall didn’t really know what the feelings he had towards Harry were and he didn’t really care what to call them anyway, all he cared about was the fact that he felt safe with Harry, he felt happy with Harry. Harry made him feel like he was actually a person, not a piece of merchandise like Marcus did. Harry gave him a place to stay, he cared for him, and just saying thank you was definitely not enough in return for what Harry did for him but Niall knew he wouldn’t be able to repay him for any of that.

As Niall just stood there staring at Harry, his eyes went to his lips. They looked soft and Niall couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to kiss them, it made him jealous of those who had. Niall could recall when Zayn had told him about his first kiss, that happened to be with Louis. He was really enthusiastic about it, going on about how amazing it was and how it was the best thing that ever happened to him, that was the most he had ever heard Zayn talk about anything. Niall had never had a first kiss, yes he’d had sex before but it was never romantic, it was always forced. Romance and compassion were out of the question, but Niall wanted to know what it was like and he thought it would be a good way to thank this man for welcoming into his home like he had, it was all he could think of in the moment and it was all he wanted to do.

So Niall quickly leaned up, almost having to stand on his tiptoes, and gently pressed his lips to Harry’s, a massive chill running through his whole body and he figured that was the stirring feeling that Louis had described. Harry didn’t move, not even when Niall pulled away. He was too surprised that Niall had actually kissed him, so he simply stood there caught off guard, unable to speak.

“I’m- Sorry, I just thought that- I just wanted-” Niall’s face reddened and he tried to explain, his words rushed and mumbled and afraid that Harry was upset since be hadn’t said or done anything. Hundreds of thoughts ran through Niall’s mind, maybe he shouldn’t have kissed him, maybe Harry only liked girls, maybe Harry just didn’t like Niall like that. What if he gets angry?

Niall kept apologizing over and over until Harry finally shut him up by cupping his face with his large hands and pressed their lips together firmly. A short mewl escaped from the back of Niall’s throat in surprise, he didn’t expect this, he thought for sure that Harry was going to hate him, so he kissed back the best he could. Niall didn’t know what to do but Harry was gentle, he guided the younger boy’s lips with his own and caressed his cheek with his thumb while Niall moved his hands to rest against his chest.

Harry had kissed people before, four people to be exact, but this was different. This wasn’t rushed and heated like the other four were and that was okay. This was slow and gentle and soft but god, Harry loved everything about it. He loved how Niall tasted, how he smelled, how he felt, everything. All of it from just one kiss.

Niall couldn’t think and was a bit surprised when Harry softly and slowly ran his tongue across his bottom lip but it sent a whole new wave of chills through his body, causing him to shiver. Niall pulled away hesitantly, grabbing onto the front of Harry’s shirt to steady himself.

“I thought you were going to hate me.” He breathed, his eyes still closed.

“Never, I hoped you would do that.” Harry replied quietly and ran his hands from Niall’s face to his shoulders, watching as the shorter boy shivered again.

Niall then wound his arms around Harry’s waist, pulling him close and resting his head against his chest as he exhaled deeply into the brunette’s shirt when he felt two arms wrapping gently around him, feeling more secure in them than he had ever felt before.  
__________

Harry rolled over onto his back, pushing himself up on his elbows as he glanced at the clock on his bedside table and groaned when he saw the time. It was nearly three AM and he couldn't sleep, all he could do was lay in bed and think about that kiss. That mesmerizing, perfect kiss and the fact that boy that he shared it with was just down the hall.

Harry fell back onto his bed with a deep sigh and stared at the ceiling, running his fingers through his hair and barely making out the outline of his ceiling fan in the pale glow of the moonlight that shone through the slats of his blinds. He could still feel what it was like to have Niall’s lips pressed against his own and the lingering warmth enveloped him in a craving for any kind of contact with Niall. He wanted to kiss him again and again, hold him, sit by him, anything. He just wanted to be with him.

Harry quickly sat up and headed out of his room, throwing on the discarded t-shirt that he had taken off before bed as he stepped into the hallway. His steps were quick but quiet as he approached Niall’s room, a faint light shining through the barely opened door. He knocked lightly before slowly peeking his head in the room to see Niall asleep curled up on his side in an over-sized t-shirt and boxers, the lamp on the nightstand left on.

Harry smiled softly at the sight as he stepped into the room, returning the door to where it was after he did so, and stepped over to Niall’s bed. Once he was closer, he could see the slight frown on Niall’s face as he slept rather than the calm expression Harry expected. Niall’s body trembled lightly and a soft whimper left his lips as he hugged his knees tighter to his body while he slept.

Harry crouched down in front of Niall, a worried look quickly playing on his face. “Niall?” He whispered.

“Stop..” Niall mumbled quietly. “Please stop..” He turned his head slightly, burying it in the pillow, still not waking up. The pained look on his face becoming more distinct as a tear slipped down his cheek.

“Niall, wake up.” Harry whispered, slightly louder than the first time, and placed a hand on Niall’s shoulder.

Niall gasped and shot up from his pillow, his arm automatically swinging out and elbowing Harry in the center of his chest.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it, I’m sorry” Niall apologized repeatedly, tears falling from his eyes, and his breathing quick and short.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Harry comforted as he held Niall by his upper arm, gently running his thumb over his shoulder and cupping his face in his other hand as he completely ignored the pain in his chest from the blow. “What’s wrong, why are you crying?”

“I thought I was back there again.” Niall whimpered. “I was in my old room and he was there, he was right there and he was going to- he was gonna-” Niall let out a choked sob, cutting himself off and Harry pulled him firmly against his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around him.

“It’s alright, you were dreaming, you were only dreaming.” Harry shushed as he rubbed the younger boy’s back. “You’re here now, I’ve got you.” He gently lifted Niall’s face and carefully wiped his tears away before pressing a gentle kiss to the blonde’s forehead.

Niall whimpered softly as he wrapped his arms around Harry’s torso and buried his face in his shirt without saying a word. Harry held him to his chest and the two stayed there in each other’s arms until Niall’s crying turned into faint sniffles.

“You alright?” Harry asked quietly as he gently stroked Niall’s hair, the soft, feathery strands running smoothly between his fingers. Niall simply shrugged. Harry leaned his head down, holding Niall closely and whispering softly into his ear. “Do you want to come sleep in my room?”

Niall nodded lightly and squeezed Harry’s torso slightly tighter. “Please.” He begged.

Harry nodded and stood Niall up and Niall held onto Harry’s arm, shuffling his feet along as they took the short walk to Harry’s room. Harry switched on the lamp while Niall timidly crawled into his bed, sinking down into the soft sheets. Harry got under the covers beside him and wrapped his arm around Niall’s shoulders, holding him close.

“Thank you.” Niall murmured softly as he rested his head on the dark haired boy’s chest.

“You’re welcome.” He answered, a warm smile on his face as he faintly stroked his thumb across Niall’s cheek. Niall tilted his head upwards a bit and Harry desperately wanted to kiss his precious lips but he held back. Niall bit his bottom lip nervously before hiding his face in Harry’s chest once again and sighing into his shirt, lightly fisting it in his hands as he did.

“I’m sorry..” He mumbled.

“Sorry for what?” Harry asked, slightly confused, and gently rubbed small circles into Niall’s back. Niall shivered at the touch and he quickly wiped his eyes when a few stray tears ran down his cheeks.

“For being so messed up and for taking up space in your home.” More tears fell from his eyes and Harry frowned softly, gently taking Niall’s face in his hands and wiping away his tears.

“Niall, you’re not taking up space, I like having you here.. a lot. You keep me company and I honestly feel like I’ve been happier with you here.” Harry spoke softly and smiled reassuringly while he continued wiping Niall’s tears away. “And you aren’t messed up, not one bit. You are strong, so strong, and you have been through so many things that you never deserved. I can’t even explain how much of an inspiration you are to me Niall. You went through all of that shit yet you still managed to keep going, I don’t think I could have done that.” Harry paused for a moment, simply scanning over Niall’s face and chewed on the inside of his lip.

“You’re an amazing person, Niall. Honest. There are so many things about you that I can’t help but to smile at and I get butterflies in my stomach every time I look at you.” A slight laugh escaped from Harry’s mouth and he looked down briefly. “You’re not messed up. You are beautiful, you are incredible, you are delicate, and you are you. You can’t get better than that.”

Niall held himself back from crying all over again and quickly snaked his arms around Harry, hugging him tightly without saying a word. Harry hugged back, tucking Niall into his chest and gently used a hand to play with the blonde hairs at the nape of his neck. He thought to himself that this would have been a perfect time to say the three words on his mind but at the same time, he felt like they were in no place to qualify for that. Yes, they had kissed, but that didn’t necessarily mean that Niall loved him like that. It’s not like they were a couple. Harry was determined to change that, he was going to love Niall and be the one to treat him right. No matter how long it took.

Harry’s mind was racing so fast that he didn’t even notice when Niall had started to pull away from him and it was sent to a screeching halt when a set of soft lips covered his own. Harry froze for a second but quickly kissed back, holding the back of Niall’s neck, and Niall pressed his lips slightly more firmly to Harry’s before pulling away slowly, lingering to savour that feeling.

A shade of red rose over Niall’s cheeks as he realized that he had just kissed Harry again without permission or any explanation whatsoever so he quickly put his head down, tucking it into Harry’s chest.

“I’m sorry.” He muttered. “If you don’t want me to do that, I won’t. I just- It’s just that I feel the good kind of nervous around you and Louis said that’s when you know you’re starting to fall in love with someone and I know it hasn’t been that long, I didn’t think I would start to like you as fast as I did but you’re the first person I’ve felt like that around and I’ve never had that before so all I wanted to do was try it and it feels good so I-” Niall explained quickly, his speaking almost panicked.

“Niall.” Harry chuckled lightly and lifted Niall’s chin, cutting him off. “Stop apologizing. I wanted you to, remember?” Niall nodded and Harry hugged him to him again.

“I feel the same way. I didn’t want to come right out and say it because I thought it was way too soon and I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.. But I guess sometimes love is quick and there’s nothing we can do but go with it.” Harry paused and looked down, suddenly becoming interested in the sheets underneath them. “So… if you’d let me, I’d like to take you on a proper date some time.. and I know it probably isn't the ideal way to do this but I'd like to have permission to call you mine.” 

Niall just stared at Harry and for a moment, his expression changing, and Harry questioned if Niall actually did like him in any way possible. 

"Yours?" He asked slowly, his voice wavering. "Do you mean the same way he-"

Harry's eyes widened once he understood what Niall thought he was implying and quickly tried to explain.

"No! No, not like that, not like him. I would never hurt you like he did Niall, okay?" Harry paused and Niall nodded so he continued. "I mean I want to date you, I want you to be my boyfriend. You'd be mine, I'd be yours, and we can go as slow with our relationship as you want. I'd treat you right and I promise, I'll give you everything you could ever ask for. I promise." Niall hid his face in Harry’s shirt once again in an attempt to hide the fact that he was blushing madly. 

“Okay.” Niall answered, his voice mumbled.

“If you want to say no that’s perfectly fine, I'll understand.” Harry reassured softly. “But I’d really love it if you- wait what did you say?”

Niall smiled softly and lifted his head up from Harry’s chest. “I said okay. I’d like that.”

A huge smile spread across Harry’s face and he pressed a gentle kiss to Niall’s forehead. “Thank god.” he chuckled, placing another kiss on Niall’s cheek and causing him to blush again. Niall smiled softly and tucked his head into the crook of Harry’s neck, a small yawn slipping from his lips.

“You want to try and sleep now?” Harry asked and lightly stroked his fingers through Niall’s hair as Niall nodded softly. Harry grinned and carefully moved to turn out the light, trying not to disrupt the boy laying on his chest.

Niall pushed his head up slightly and gently pressed his lips to the first place he could reach, sleepily leaving a quick peck just below Harry’s ear and mumbling against his neck. “Goodnight Harry.”

“Goodnight Niall.” Harry smiled to himself, still softly playing is fingers through Niall’s hair, and closed his eyes, easily falling asleep with Niall by his side.  
___________

Niall forced his eyes open and lifted his head from the mattress beneath him. He had slid down to the middle of the bed at some point during the night and had rested himself against Harry’s body for warmth, curling up behind him and pressing his face into the taller boy’s back. Even though Harry was facing the opposite way, Niall could still hear the slow and deep breathing coming from his mouth but to make sure he wasn’t awake, Niall carefully tapped a finger to Harry’s shoulder.

“Harry?” Niall whispered and sat up slowly to peek over Harry’s shoulder, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand to wake himself up.

“Are you still sleeping?” Niall’s voice was so soft that even if Harry had been awake, he probably wouldn’t have heard him but Niall was being careful not to disturb his sleep.

Upon not getting a reaction, Niall slowly sat back on the other side of the bed, waiting patiently for Harry to wake up but he soon became bored of playing with the stray thread on the hem of the sheets and his stomach felt like it was going to devour itself so he slipped out of bed and went to the kitchen.

Niall opened the fridge and scanned his eyes over the shelves, not finding anything that didn’t require any preparation or cooking. He sighed and carefully pulled the carton of eggs from the top shelf, setting them down on the counter as he opened a few cabinets in hopes of anything he didn’t have to fix but finding nothing more than a few cans of tomato soup and a box of pancake mix.

Neither of the boys had bothered to buy groceries, most of the time they ordered takeout from the restaurant down the block or Harry would stop by the store if they needed something but this time he had forgotten and Niall often didn’t have an interest in going out of the house too much, especially not by himself; he obviously didn’t do any grocery shopping so he was going to have to make due with the pancakes. He took the box from the cabinet, having to stand on his tiptoes to reach it, and studied the side panel for instructions.

Niall had never made pancakes; hell, it had been years since he’d had any. Sure, his mum would make them when he was little but they would already be set on the table in a piping hot stack by the time he had gotten out of bed. He never really saw the process, but from the looks of it, it seemed easy enough. Or so he thought.

Twenty minutes later, Niall stood in front of the stove pouring batter into a pan and making an attempt at perfect golden brown pancakes for both himself and Harry but failing miserably, resulting in misshapen disks on a plate. Some were burned, a few were under-cooked, and some.. well, Niall wasn’t sure what exactly happened with those. On top of it all, in the process of cooking, batter had been smudged, spilled, and dropped on almost everything he touched in the kitchen (including Niall himself), leaving a sticky mess behind.

Niall chewed on his lip nervously, feeling quite overwhelmed with the entire ordeal and wished he had just stuck with something simple, like an apple perhaps, but no, he had to become a chef this morning. Very bad idea.

Niall decided to just give up on it after the eleventh screwed up pancake and rinsed the rest of the batter down the kitchen sink before reaching over the stove to turn off the burner. When he did so, he accidentally touched his arm to the burning hot pan, causing him to jump and a high pitched yelp to escape from his mouth.

“Niall?” Harry walked into the kitchen, his eyes first going to Niall, then scanning them across the room. “I was gonna have a shower and I heard you out here, are you okay?” Niall nodded as he worked his bottom lip between his teeth and rubbed at the burn on the side of his arm, not yet looking up at Harry who now had a slight grin on his face.

“What happened in here?” He chuckled, stepping farther into the room.

“Well, I tried to make pancakes but- I didn’t do so good.” Niall muttered and finally looked up, a bit surprised to see Harry standing there in only his underwear.

“I’m sure they’re not that bad.” Harry picked up a pancake, one that had received a pretty bad burn, and pulled a piece off, popping it into his mouth. Harry chewed, his face never showing expression until he shook his head.

“Okay, you’re right, they’re a little.. no, they’re really bad, I’m sorry.” He smiled and put the rest of the pancake down on the plate.

Niall laughed softly, wrapping his hand around his arm, applying a bit if pressure to the long, red burn mark left on it in attempt to numb the stinging.

“Here, run it under cold water, it’ll help.” Harry reached over to the sink, turning the handle to cold and testing the water with his fingers before gently taking Niall’s arm and holding the burned area under the faucet. Harry slowly turned Niall’s arm over under the water, to make sure it reached the other side as well, and noticed the thin, horizontal group of relatively new scars that covered the inside of Niall’s wrist. It snapped in Niall’s mind that Harry could very easily see them and he tried pulling his arm away but Harry kept a gentle hold on him.

Niall had never mentioned his habits of self harm to Harry. He didn’t like talking about it and didn’t really think that Harry needed to know so he simply never told him.

“You did this?” Harry asked calmly. Niall nodded hesitantly though Harry’s green eyes were still glued to his wrist. Harry pressed his lips together and turned off the faucet before carefully patting Niall’s arm dry with a hand towel. Niall was becoming a bit nervous at Harry’s silence, he was afraid he’d be angry with him, so when Harry wrapped his arms around him in a tight hug, it wasn’t exactly the response he expected.

Niall would have hugged back but his arms were trapped between the two of them and Harry help him rather tightly, his head resting on Niall’s shoulder and his arms completely surrounding him; so he just stood there, accepting the fact that he couldn’t move.

“Let’s um, Let’s clean this up a bit.” Harry cleared his throat after a few seconds, pulling himself away and Niall could have sworn his voice was on the verge of shaking. Harry took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes quickly with his left hand as he used his right to place the dirty pan into the sink, avoiding any type of eye contact. He swallowed thickly and began wiping down the counter tops while Niall dropped the pancakes into the bin. As Niall was washing the plate, Harry cleared his throat once again and placed the dirty rag down in the sink.

“I’m just gonna go have a shower and then we can head out for some breakfast. Maybe make this somewhat of an all day date thing.” He shrugged, hooking a hand around the back of his neck and scratching his fingers lightly at the skin there. “Sound good?”

“Okay.” Niall nodded, returning a faint smile.

Harry slid his hand from his neck, using it as a gesture. “Thank you for trying to make breakfast though, it means a lot.” Though Harry had a smile on his face, Niall could tell from the tone of his voice that it was forced. He heard the sadness in Harry’s words, in the way his voice suddenly seemed weak.

Niall nodded once again, having not yet looked up at Harry, and dried his hands off on the hand towel, folding it neatly into a square prior to setting it down on the counter. He then looked up at Harry who had already been staring down at him, scanning over his pale face as he worked his own bottom lip between his teeth. Harry’s green eyes were almost glassy as he took Niall’s wrists in his large hands, Niall resisting slightly in nervousness, and turned them insides up.

“And Niall,” Harry paused, looking down at Niall’s scar covered wrists and running his thumbs over them lightly while he held Niall there.

“Please, stop this. Please.” He emphasized the last word, exhaling deeply as he did so and lightly pressed his thumbs into Niall’s wrists. His tongue flicked out, dampening his bottom lip before he pressed them together tightly and closed his eyes for a moment, his brows furrowing together.

“Please.” Harry’s voice cracked, resulting in nearly a whisper of the word, and a lump formed in Niall’s throat upon hearing the pain in the older boy’s voice.

Niall nodded slowly, and Harry firmly yet lovingly pressed his lips to the blonde’s forehead as he returned his arms to his sides, his fingers brushing across Niall's palms as he let his lips linger for a split second. When he pulled away, he gave Niall the best smile he could manage- which wasn’t very strong -and left for the shower, leaving Niall standing in the middle of the kitchen. 

Harry shut the bathroom door behind him, leaning back on it for a moment while he squeezed his eyes shut and pinched at the bridge of his nose in an attempt to keep his eyes from watering further. The image of Niall’s wrists bore itself into his mind and all Harry could think about was what it must be like to Niall. To feel so bad that he would want to hurt himself, possibly even kill himself. Harry couldn’t imagine it, he had never felt that way before. Sure, he had had moments of insecurity and disappointment in himself but he had never acted on it; and of course, he knew what self harm involved but he had never done it himself so he couldn’t exactly wrap his head around it.

He sighed shakily, his mouth forming into an ‘o’ as he exhaled, and he reached hand in past the shower curtain to turn on the faucet, adjusting the knobs to the right temperature before darting his fingers under the shower head to test the water. Next, he shed his boxers and stepped in, letting out another shaky breath as the warm water beat down on his back. 

Steam began to rise through the room as Harry tilted his head backward, carding his fingers through his hair and blinking repeatedly at the ceiling to hold back the tears threatening in the corners of his eyes. The entire idea of Niall, precious Niall, hurting himself got him all worked up and there was nothing he could do to stop it so he finally gave in and let his head fall forward. Harry covered his face in his wet hands and almost immediately started crying, quiet sobs escaping his lips as he stood under the stream of water.

Yes, Niall was out of Marcus’ reach but he still had someone hurting him. 

Himself. 

That was the fact that really got to Harry. He could give Niall everything he ever wanted, Harry could completely rid the world of every single horrible thing, but Niall would still be a threat to himself. and In all honesty, it scared Harry and rocked him to his core. Maybe he could have been over reacting to a certain extent but he knew this wasn’t something to be simply pushed aside or ignored and he knew that serious damage could be done, even death, but Harry wasn’t going to let himself dwell on that.

Harry shook his head and managed to calm himself down after a minute or two by taking several deep breaths and closing his eyes to reason. He convinced himself that Niall was better, that he was happy, now that he wasn’t living that life of hell he’d been living before and that gave Harry somewhat of a steady mind. Although he knew that Niall might still try to hurt himself, and from the looks of it he had recently, Harry also knew that he was going to be there for him and he wanted to make sure Niall knew that. 

And he did.  
__________

The next year of dating Harry made Niall love life, he saw the good sides of everything and he finally saw himself as beautiful and special and _whole_ , all because of the saviour that he was his boyfriend. He smiled more, he laughed a lot, and he finally found his talent; playing a used guitar that Harry had found in the thrift store. Most of their days were spent in Harry's art studio, Harry gliding streaks of paint onto canvases as Niall sat in the corner and strummed away on his guitar. It may not have seemed like much to others but they were happy.

Niall still had nightmares, quite often actually, but they had certainly become less frequent now that he shared a bed with the man he loved. Having Harry's arms around him every night made sleeping less of a chore. 

Harry loved Niall more than life itself, he could stare at him for days if it were permitted, and he treated him like a prince, just like he promised he would. He loved everything about the blessing that had walked into his life but he especially loved his body. Not in a sexual way, they have yet to be intimate in that way since Niall still isn't quite ready and Harry is 100% okay with that, he would wait until the last day of his life if he had to, but Harry loved his body in the way it fit with his. How their lips melted together when they kissed, how Niall curled perfectly into his chest when he held him at night, how their hands seemed to be designed for each other's. He loved his Niall to pieces and Niall could just tell even without Harry telling him all day long.

So as they walked together hand in hand down the sidewalk after seeing a film at the cinema, Niall stopped in his tracks and pulled Harry to stop with him. He quickly stood up on his tip-toes to press his lips firmly to Harry's, cutting the taller boy off of whatever he was going on about, and slotted them together as his opposite found its way up to the back of Harry's neck. Harry obliged by pressing his large hand to the small of Niall's back, bringing their bodies closer together as he craned his neck forward to return the kiss just as intensely as it was given. 

When Niall started to pull away, Harry kept his hand on his back and gave his boyfriend's hand a gentle squeeze as the corners of his mouth turned upwards into a smile, opening his eyes again to look at the beauty in front of him.

"What was that for babe?" He asked, staring straight into Niall's ocean blue eyes.

"Thank you." Niall breathed, his eyes sincere as he then averted them to focus on nothing in particular and carefully combed his fingers through the back of Harry's hair, to which the older boy leaned in to.

Harry smiled, leaning forward to gently rest his forehead against Niall's as he whispered. "For what?"

Niall moved his eyes back to Harry's and felt his cheeks flush, his breath taken away upon seeing the way Harry looked at him. It made him feel important and for the first time in his life, he disassociated himself with his past. He wouldn't let it define him, the only thing that defined him was this, being in love with Harry and the life he had now, and he was proud of it.

"For making me feel safe"


End file.
